I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
