I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
