We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
