You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
