Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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