I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
