bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
