Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
