The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
