she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're my little dorito
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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