And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
