i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
