Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
