Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
