You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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