We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
