so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
