pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
