it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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