if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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