he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
