We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
