I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
