She is in my trunk
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
