i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
