i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
