Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
