I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
