My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
