Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
