You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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