Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
