My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
