I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
