i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
