And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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