My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
