He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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