In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
