I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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