pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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