**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
