So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
