you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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