Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
