Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
