Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
