his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
