Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
