my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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