I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
